Books: Five Books, Five Minutes

When compiling the edition last week, we noted that we should be doing more on books. We support books (unlike Harry Reid -- that is a joke). And one thing we agreed to was that we would all go to a library and grab a book. Why a library? We're mindful that our readers are often on tight budgets. Though we've conducted no readers' survey, we're sure many aren't buying the latest high end item, nor would many want to.

We support libraries. We defend them. And we urge you to utilize the ones in your area.

So by Monday evening, those who were going had gone. (Naming names, Rebecca how could you forget!, Ty, you bastard!, ditto Ava!) (Seriously, all had things come up that prevented them from going.) But we did have five people select books (Jim, Dona, Jess, Betty and C.I.) and the others did track down copies. The rule was, try to read it. If it was useless to you, put it down and move on to another book. We're calling this "Five Books, Five Minutes" because this isn't an indepth look at books.

Jess picked Ed Broth's Stories From a Moron: Real Stories Rejected by Real Magazines. A word to our readers, don't be a Jess! Jess honestly thought these would be real stories rejected by real magazines. This is a comedic work. Jess didn't enjoy it and bailed on page 74. The rest of us that made it through, after cursing Jess, chuckled a few times. But none of us were impressed. It's one joke done over and over. And over. If you like comedic books, we suggest you find one. This isn't one.

Dick Cheney was on the minds of two. Betty and Jim both picked out books on Cheney.

Betty picked out The Dick Cheney Code by Henry Beard. This is a parody. We know that because it's clearly marked on the front cover "a parody." Did we laugh? A lot more than at Ed Broth's book. But it actually was funny. Ty enjoyed the jokes at Skull & Bones and the invented group Deathenpoofs. (We're assuming it was invented.) Dona felt that to really get the humor, you had to read The DaVinci Code. Since only Dona had read that book, we'll take her word on it. Dona said if you've read The DaVinci Code and wondered "Does this thing ever end?" you'd love The Dick Cheney Code.

Dona says this passage will hook any readers of The Da Vinci Code:

Sandra held the 8 Ball a few inches from her face and examined it carefully. Around its midsection was a thin, practically invisible seam. Grasping the ball tightly in both hands, she twisted the top away from the bottom with a firm counterclockwise motion. After one complete turn, the two hemispheres separated smoothly.
"Magic," said Mount.
Franklin whistled softly. Neatly nestled in the hollow core of the upper half of the ball sat a mini compact disc. Sandra removed it. Underneath was another of Dumont's ticket-size manila envelopes. She opened it and removed a plastic access card for the self-storage warehouse across the street and a Master padlock key. On the outside of the envelope, in the by-now-familiar felt-tip pen, Dumont had written:
BY TWOS WITH THIS ENUMERATION WE DO EXPRESS APPRECIATION
Franklin groaned. "Here we go again."

That's from pages 75 to 76 and Dona swears it will hook anyone who "waded through" The Da Vinci Code and needs a good laugh.

Jim picked up Dick : The Man Who Is President by John Nichols. We all enjoyed this book and would recommend that you read it. Here's a section detailing behind the scene events during the first Gulf War (pp. 116-117):

Along with Wolfowitz, Cheney liked Rowan's bold thinking. In an interview a decade later, Rowen recalled Cheney telling him to "set up a team [to explore the idea], and don't tell Powell or anybody else." Suddenly, as James Mann has observed, "the defense secretary was quietly campaigning for a war plan different from the one submitted by the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff."
Famously, Cheney told Colin Powell during this time to "stick to military matters." But it was actually Cheney and his aides who were expanding their job descriptions. Cheney's secret team came up with Operation Scorpion, an elaborate plan that involved sending U.S. troops to remote regions west of Baghdad, from which they could, presumably, threaten Saddam. Schwartkopf got wind of the scheme and pointed out that it would be impossible to suppy troops who were dispatched to the distant deserts of western Iraq. Bush and Baker, who recognized the diplomatic disaster that the plan to despose an Arab leader would create, backed the general, and Operation Scorpion was quickly consigned to the dustbin of history -- although Cheney and Wolfowitz would continue to entertain fantasies about "decapitating" Saddam and imposing "regime change." The Operation Scorpion raised real questions about Cheney's capacity to contribute to the war effort. Schwarzkopf would later express his frustrations with Cheney's Operation Scorpion scheming, observing, "I wondered whether Cheney had succumbed to the phenomenon I'd observed among some secretaries of the army. Put a civilian in charge of professional military men and before long he's no longer satisfied with setting policy but wants to out-general the generals."
Duly chastened, Cheney, whom the Washington Post took to referring to as "the desk-chair warrior," faded from the forefront of the Iraq effort.

It's summer, the seaon of blockbusters and sequels. And the original Darth Vader, Dick Cheney, is back. Read Dick: The Man Who Is President to understand the origins of Darth, er, Dick.

Dona picked Eve Ensler's The Good Body which is a play. We all enjoyed this book. Possibly more than Dick: The Man Who Is President. But then, unlike with Dick Cheney, no one had to die for Eve Ensler to make a name for herself. Ensler is famous as the playwright of The Vagina Monlogues. We found the book to be humorous and involving. Reading the book was a pleasure. Especially for Ty who started reading his copy right after seeing Justin Timberlake and Snoop Dog's "Signs."

Rebecca: Oh, Inch Worm! If he wants to continue to push the lie that he's got a "trouser snake," he'd be smart not to dance around in baggy pants again. Credit that to "Rebecca, blogger and crotch watcher."

Ty: Inch Worm got a pass for ripping off Janet's top [Janet Jackson] and he's still using women to make himself look manly. It's ridiculous. And shame on the women involved for letting some white man objectify them like that. Inch Worm never looked whiter than he does surrounded by people of color. Those Michael Jackson moves were tired a decade ago. Can he do anything besides steal from black artists? As for Snoop Dog, it may be over. He comes off like Little Richard throughout the video and that's not a "street" look anyone's going after.

In her play, Ensler's dealing with body image issues. We'd suggest that Inch Worm read it. Learn to love your shortcomings, Inchworm, embrace them.

Which brings us to our fifth and final book. Artists In Times of War (C.I.'s pick). This book was universally loved. It's written by a youngster named Howard Zinn, remember that name because if the mainstream media ever gets behind him, he could be the hottest thing in publishing.

As most readers know, Howard Zinn is a historian and one of the important voices. If you haven't heard of the book, just the name Howard Zinn should peak your interest. Here's an excerpt from pages 56 - 57.

If you don't know where the terrorists are, I ask, what are you doing bombing Afghanistan and Iraq? There may be a network in the Philippines, in Syria, in Somalia -- who knows where? Clearly, by bombing and bombing we haven't done anything about terrorism. It's as if a crime had been committed, a mass murder, and you're looking for the perpetrators, and you hear that they are hiding out in Cambridge. Bomb Cambridge! Or to get rid of the criminals in this neighborhood -- you bomb the neighborhood! You can do so just on the chance that this might result in killing the criminal. This is what we've been doing in Afghanistan -- and it's absurd, from a pragmatic point of view.
Then on the moral point of view. How many innocent civilians have we killed with our bombing?


The book is composed of three talks and one essay. We'd strongly suggest you check it out.

So, for our five books in five minutes, pick up Zinn, Ensler and Nichols immediately. If you like humorous novels, pick up Beard's The Dick Cheney Code. But take a pass on Ed Broth.

We're providing links for the books (to Powell's Books and Seven Stories Press). You can utilize the links to find additional information on the books. You can also use them to order the books. But we hope you'll visit your local libraries and support them.